I don't Know What Caused This Mood

"I turn mine eyes away... she was but a blinding glimmer of light and beauty and haze."

Once I was lost... my helplessness all that's left to guide my own.

"I still live face to face with someone I used to know... Do you remember now?"

"You act like you never noticed me... but I saw you smile... I'll never let you be a part of me. Do you remember now? You're not allowed to be a part of me..."

Stop pretending, we know better... Stop pretending, we know better... Stop pretending, we know better...


But I wasn't ever pretending... I always thought it was real...

Sometimes, My Dad's Voice is So Loud

I have a little voice in my head. The same little voice a lot of people have in their heads. Mine sounds like my father. It's an evil little voice. "You're fat. You're ugly. You're not good enough, you'll never be good enough. Why are you even trying? Nobody cares. You're worthless, you're useless, you're a lump who takes up space that someone of value could be using, why do you even bother? You even look like a lump, have you looked in the mirror lately? You've given up, even your eyes look dead. I'm glad you gave up, you're only making a fool of youself. Look at you. No one else does. Stop lying, stop pretending, stop trying. What's wrong with you? Other people make it work, why can't you? You're dumpy. You have bad skin. When's the last time you wore makeup? Are you going out like that? Nevermind, it won't make a difference."

Numb- Linkin Park
I'm tired of being what you want me to be/ feeling so faithless/lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me/put under the pressure/of walking in your shoes
[caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]

I've become so numb/I can't feel you there/I've become so tired/so much more aware/I'm becoming this/all I want to do/is be more like me/and be less like you.

Can't you see that you're smothering me/holding too tightly/afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be/is falling apart right in front of you.
[caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow],
Every step that I take is another mistake to you[caught in the undertow,just caught in the undertow]
And every second I waste is more than I can take.

I've become so numb/I can't feel you there/I've become so tired/so much more aware/I'm becoming this/all I want to do/is be more like me/and be less like you.

And I know/I may end up failing too/But I know/you were just like me/with someone disappointed in you.

I've become so numb/I can't feel you there/I've become so tired/so much more aware/I'm becoming this/all I want to do/is be more like me/and be less like/I've become so numb/I can't feel you there
[tired of being what you want me to be]

A Little Too Much Information

My little brother is living up to his name. Stupid Little Twit.

We spent more time talking tonight than we have in the entire three months he's been living with Jen and I.

Somehow, in this conversation, the topic of where he was going came up. Then, the topic of how many times he'd done what he was going out to do.

There are some things you just don't need to know about your little brother. I'm glad he trusts me, but... EEEWWW