I Feel Like an Idiot

My internet is so unreliable. It's driving me crazy. It hates me, and everyone else in the apartments. If mine works, Kris's doesn't. If Mine doesn't work, Kris gets "very low" signal. If we're both getting "Excellent" signal, there's nothing but a "Page Not Found" or an "Invalid Username/Passcode" page. Grrr. I cannot wait to have internet that works all the time.

I got to mail Yule presents today. I'm so excited!! Soon, soon, very soon.

You know, boys never make me crazy. Never. I'm not intimidated by them. I'm not shy or awkward or giggly or any different than I normally am. If I'm interested in a guy, i'm tactfully blunt. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Either way, I'm good with it. I don't want regrets, I don't want to have to wonder. I want to know.

That kind of attitude ends up in one of two ways: Serious long-term relationship, or one-night stand. Done both, am happy with either. If it's serious, I'm very up-front about what I'm looking for, and what I won't tolerate. If it's a short-term thing, they know I'll take scissors to any strings.

So, of course... I really kind of suck at the date-for-fun thing. I don't date. Even when I'm dating someone, it skips the get-to-know-each-other-over-drinks-and-dinner and goes straight to the my-boyfriend-back-off-barbie thing.

And you're probably wondering why I'm babbling. (Or, you're female, and already know.) There's this guy in the Mass Comm department named Caleb. We both started here at school the same year, we both did the same kinds of things in high school, we both listen to the same kinds of music. We'd been decent friends since we'd met. I've had a small crush on him since then, but I ended up dating the Ex, so Caleb and I stayed friends. Had some of the same classes, went to the haunted house together. The Caleb ended up with a fiance, who hated to share him, so we stopped hanging out.

About the same time the Ex left me, his fiance decided she liked his best friend more. We've talked several times since then. He recently started work at McDonalds. Put my name down as a reference. We now work together several times a week, see each other at the bar, talk and joke an stuff.

Now, as we've established, I like him. I think we'd have a lot of fun. Nothing that would last, but a lot of fun. I think we'd be good for each other.

I can't tell him.

And I don't know why! It's driving me crazy! I've never had a problem with this before. It's very simple, but I just can't do it. And, tonight, I was talking to Jess about it, and she says "Well, I saw it too. He was flirting with you."

I think my brain's going to explode. I don't know what to say, or do, or think. I'm moving away in a month, I'm not looking for serious, and nothing comes out right when I try and talk about it.

I feel like an idiot. He's just a guy!! Grrr. *huff*